Story of My Life

by Ivan Saldarriaga

I got hit in the head playing disc golf,
Hit the post in Intramural soccer,
Screwed up on the test in geography,
Got overcharged at IHOP,
And that’s the story of my life.

I burnt my dinner of macaroni and cheese,
Woke up late for my three o’clock afternoon class,
Tripped on the escalator in Belk’s,
Left my new cell phone next to a pay phone in downtown,
And that’s the story of my life.

I forgot my mom’s birthday,
Playfully pushed my now ex-girlfriend into some bricks,
Ran into a “Stop” sign on my jog,
Got viciously bitten by a puppy,
And that’s the story of my life.

I hit myself in the face with my own tennis racket,
Got embarrassingly chewed out by a teacher,
Been wrong too many times to count in my head,
Got stuck in some revolving doors at Macy’s,
And that’s the story of my life.

I have been beaten in handball by a crippled octogenarian,
Ate a large dollop of wasabi right before speaking to that pretty girl Michelle,
Mispronounced Kristine’s name three times in the space of ten minutes,
Forgot the tune to “Row, Row your boat” when asked to hum it,
And that’s the story of my life.

But I’ve also met a ton of great people,
And I’ve been told that I look cute by girls that I thought looked a lot better than cute,
And I’ve made my friends smile when they’re sad,
And at times I make my parents proud with my grades,
And sometimes, just sometimes, that’s also the story of my life.