The Illness

Kevin Glass was sitting on his dilapidated futon watching another episode of South Park. The poor thing had the stuffing sticking out of the various corners that have come undone, the middle cross-sectional bar was missing so everyone who sat down for the first time got the unpleasant surprise of sinking down much further than expected, and in a dismal effort to help beautify the futon, an old, fraying Navajo blanket was spread across the top of it, providing people with only an eyesore and plenty of itchiness. Sitting next to Kevin was his roommate, Jacob McArney, the self professed standout student of his local high school in Lexington, Noorth Caroliina, just like he pronounced it. That was actually the first thing Kevin learned about his roommate. Kevin can still remember walking into his new dorm room on freshman orientation day at Amherst College in Massachusetts, putting down his suit case, and with his hand extended, saying, “Hi there, I’m Kevin.”

To which Jacob had replied, “Hey, I’m Jacob, not Jake, but Jacob. And I graduated in the top five percent of my high school. Nice to meet ya.” Kevin of course was taken aback by the greeting, not sure whether to pull out a transcript and start listing his own academic merits. In the end, however, as with most situations with Jacob, the situation swiftly became comfortable and friendly, thanks mostly to Kevin’s dumb smile plastered on his face. For, as anyone who’s hung out with Jacob for even a minute would realize, that smile could dismantle an atomic bomb.

An hour and a half ago, Kevin had promised himself that he’d only be taking a fifteen minute break from studying and watch a little bit of TV, but because of the invisible gravitational pull of the TV set, he’d been arrested on the futon ever since. He kept delaying going back to study by continuing to promise himself subsequent fifteen minute increments of break time. Plus, he rationalized, it’s the last test of the last class, of the last semester in college, I can let this one slide. His current major was the result of a series of complicated evolutions, shifting from being a double major in math and mechanical engineering, to just mechanical engineering, to business, to history, to psychology, to, finally, parks and recreation. He could survive not doing well on his last test, which was, after all, just going to be an open ended exam on the history of four national parks: Yosemite, Joshua Tree, Everglades, and last but not least, Ala Kah…Kah…, damn, what was the fourth one?

All of a sudden, Jacob walloped Kevin on his chin. “Jeeesus, man, what was that for?”

“I’m sorry,” Jacob said. “I’ve been in weird mood lately. For some reason I’m letting some punches go. Is your jaw alright?”

“Yeah..yeah, I think so,” Kevin said. He was still massaging the spot on his jaw where he was pegged by Jacob’s right hook.

“I’m sorry, it’s been getting worse too,” Jacob said, smiling that dumb smile of his. “Last week I punched my girlfriend, uh, I mean, my ex-girlfriend in the eye. I don’t know what’s happening…”

“Chrissake, I think it’s swelling. Is it swelling, Jacob? Is it getting bigger?” Kevin asked. He’d stopped looking at the TV and, facing Jacob, was pointing to a large red sore spot on his jaw. “Is it swelling, dammit?”

“No…no. Not too much at least. I’ll go get some ice.”

“No, just…just forget about it,” Kevin said. He stood up from the couch, and briskly walked into the kitchen. He opened up his freezer and as he picked up some ice with his hand, he said to Jacob, “Damn it, Jacob. What’s going on with you?” He took out a ziplock bag and, packing the ice into it, placed it over his jaw and went back to studying at the kitchen table.

As he was getting into his notes about Joshua Tree national park, he saw Jacob at the kitchen entrance, leaning on the wall. He could see tears welling up in Jacob’s eyes despite his large goofy grin. Kevin asked him, “Jacob, what’s the matter. Listen, if it’s about the punch, it’s alright, I-“

“It’s not about the punch. It’s…I don’t know. That’s the thing, I really just don’t know. I didn’t want to punch you, just like I didn’t want to punch Jessica. I don’t want to do a lot of the things I find myself doing. It’s like I have no control…I’m losing it more and more.” The tears began to stream down his face, curling around the edges of his smile.

“Hey, hey, hey, Jacob. It’s alright man, it’s just close to graduation, everyone gets a little antsy when graduation comes around, that’s all. Just relax, man. Here, have a seat, we’ll talk this out.”

“I went to the doctor today,” Jacob said, staying just where he was. “I made an appointment just like you told me to do last week. I walked into his office and we just talked for a long time, and…he told me some things I’m not ready to…um…bye into just yet. I mean, how can he know for sure, right?”

“I see. Well, Jacob, he is a professional doctor, that’s his job. I’m pretty sure the guy would know,” Kevin softly said. “What do you think? Do you think you’ve got anything of what he said?”

Jacob crossed his arms and looked down to his shoes. “I don’t know,” he said. Looking up to Kevin he continued, “But that’s that thing, how can I be sure, you know? I mean, aren’t things from my perspective normal? How can I tell?”

“Jacob…,” Kevin steadily began but immediately got silent, uncertain how to progress. He began to tap his pencil on his national park textbook, a dinky book of barely seventy pages. He had it open to a section about climate conditions at Joshua Tree National Park. After a short while, he finally looked up, and said, “What do you think about how you treated Jessica? Was that normal? Even to you? Jacob, she’s been calling me all this week to ask about you, she’s really worried about you. We all are. Jacob…there’s no easy way to say this, but I kinda agree with whatever the doctor probably said.”

“That’s what I was afraid of,” said Jacob, preserving his soft grin. “Thanks, Kevin.”

“I’m sorry Jacob. But we all just want to help you. You know? That’s what friends are for, right?”